I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
ttyl tear gas
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
