He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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