I didn't shave. On purpose
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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