Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
