after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
