I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
