I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
