Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
