no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
