so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
