I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Randomize
