Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
