I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
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I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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