meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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