thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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