I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
