Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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