Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
