when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
