just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
