I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize