last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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