Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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