I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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