i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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