Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
