Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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