I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will be naked everywhere
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
