Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
We need to get me chipped asap
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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