Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize