I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
