Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
