This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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