I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
