She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
