Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
