Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
