Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
