dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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