I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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