whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I want to be your penis for a week.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
