Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
