please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
