Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
