My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
