Can i not drive my cunt home
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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