You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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