so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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