i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
