there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
high people should be assigned attendants
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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