Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
