My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
