so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
