Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
