we have pet lesbian snakes
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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