the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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