Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
