Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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