His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
