So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
