there's paper in my vomit.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
