I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
now i know why i became what i already was.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
