if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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