I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
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I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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