if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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